By Tatum Fogarty
My dreams were simple growing up, I’d go to university where I’d find the love of my life. We’d buy a house, get married and have 2 kids a boy and girl, and it would be in that order because that’s what people do.
I’d be travelling the world also, because you don’t need children until you’re old, I had older parents you see. So I plucked out “in my 30’s” as a reasonable age. See my little story meant I had it all. What little girl doesn’t dream of the world?
“Little girls don’t dream of having their babies through IVF.”
So I set out to uni, I had a less then ideal first year, for many reasons we don’t need to go into. So I decided a fresh start was in order. I moved to Victoria to be with my boyfriend. I’d found the “man”, life was going well, now I needed to finish university, so we could buy a house and get married to have the 2 children I’d dreamt of.
“It takes a strong man to handle a broken woman.”
Also, you see things go in order, people who have been together less time don’t go ahead of you in the order of life. You need a solid foundation. Don’t rush into your forever. Stop and smell the roses. It’s important.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
We have it all you know. Almost 5 years together, we’re solid. We have a puppy and I’m finished university. We’re halfway to saving for a house. You can’t fault our commitment, and when we have our house we’re going to get married. Because that’s what people do. We’ve travelled the world, together and alone.
I’m getting disgruntled at the people who are popping up together for less time then we’ve been together who are getting married, having babies. Not even in the right order!
“The world judges me by the decisions I make, never did it see the options I had to choose from.”
Have you noticed how my entire life plan is to get to one amazing point. To become a mother. I’ve talked this story up. Because in almost all ways I have it all. To the outside I’m lucky. Why should we complain?
Because what I haven’t told you, is this story isn’t picture perfect. I am 23 with Stage IV Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic ovaries and low AMH. I’ve had 6 surgeries to date for my endometriosis plus a 2 part surgery for a neuro-stimulator that helps with my chronic pelvic pain. I’ve frozen my eggs and lost my ovary and tube.
If I could tell that little girl that she’d be fighting to become a mother while her biggest heartache would be watching others become mothers. I’d tell her to make her dreams simpler. You don’t need everything, you need to find what’s important and you need to fight for that. Because sometimes you don’t get what you want the most.
“I love you without knowing you, I love you without knowing if you will ever be, I’ll fight for you until we can’t fight anymore, and then I’ll fight some more. Because becoming a mother has been my greatest wish, and like your grandmother who fought for me, there is an end, and it will include holding you in my arms. Whoever you may be, and however you may come to us, one day we’ll be together. You’ll have the strongest, bravest and the most in love parents, who loved you before we even met you.”