Written by Kellie Johnson.

The silence in the room was deafening. The technician applied more gel to my belly, pushing the ultrasound deeper. After what felt like a thousand years, she finally made eye contact and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I am so sorry but I can’t see a heartbeat”

Impossible. I had already lost two pregnancies and this was meant to be my miracle baby. Little did I know that I was destined to lose two more. The months would drag into years and I would question if I would ever fulfill my destiny of becoming a mum.

Sadly, my story is not that special. I have stage 4 endometriosis. A disease where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows in other places within the body.

While my infertility journey was the lowest point of my life, endometriosis had already taken so much from me.

I had missed many events and it had ruined others. The pain would always hit at the most inconvenient times. If I were excited to celebrate something special, I would anxiously watch my calendar, desperately hoping that my period wouldn’t line-up with that date.

I felt like I had to work harder than everyone else in my career. Endometriosis doesn’t care for company policies or deadlines. Sitting in an office environment or participating in meetings feels impossible when you have the sensation of knives in your abdomen.

I have been in many conversations where I am vacantly smiling and not present, sweat beading on my forehead as I pretend I am not being torn apart within.

My pregnancy losses were a kick in the back when I was already down. I was exhausted from years of medical gaslighting and trying to stay strong and positive.

As I turned to IVF, I took solace in a new hobby to pass the time. I had gotten my hands on a second-hand sewing machine and fed up with my old heat packs I taught myself to sew.

My pain was so severe I would often throw up or even lose consciousness. It would radiate through my back and down my legs. I used to shove one heat pack down the front of my pants and one down the back, and then if I walked around my pants would fall down.

So I created a heat pack of my dreams. Over 1 metre in length, it covered my entire torso and stopped my pain in its tracks. I evenly distributed the heat and the weight so it was ultra comfy and wouldn’t burn a patch on my skin. I added Velcro so I could walk around and do things. I cried with relief the first time I tried it on.

I had no idea my patented invention would change the lives of so many. I get the most incredible feedback from endo warriors around the globe about how much my product has helped with their pain. We have gone viral many times on Tik Tok and have been all over the news.

We now donate $1 from every heat pack sold to Endometriosis Australia as their official partners, to help them fund the vital research we so desperately need.

If you are reading this because you have Endometriosis, I see you and I am you. It is barbaric what we have to endure. It is an endless, incurable disease that takes a huge toll on us physically and mentally.

But you are not your disease. You are so much more. You have a special light burning bright inside of you.

I know it is so hard, but just keep going. While I would never say it is a good thing to have Endometriosis, I will say this. With the bad, you are also getting some good. You are learning resilience, empathy and strength. You have so much to share with the world.

Please don’t ever let your Endometriosis hold you back from being the amazing human being you are destined to be. Your endo community has your back. Together, we can achieve anything.

If you ever want to chat with us about your endo journey, email us at info@kosi.au or DM us at @kosi_au – we got you <3

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