Numerous broken bones, countless torn ligaments and dislocations, degenerating disks in my spine and bulging disks in my neck.
A number of reconstructive surgeries and too many concussions to remember.
Doctors, surgeons, physios, psychologists, and strength and conditioning trainers.
X-rays, MRI’s and Cat scans.
Broken boards, bindings and helmets.
Postponed, cancelled and rescheduled competitions.
Lost and broken baggage, delayed, missed and cancelled flights, innumerable rental cars, hotels and airports, broken dreams and life changing victories…
Welcome to the life of a professional snowboarder!
I’m Holly Crawford, a four-time Olympian, World Champion, businesswoman and Endo warrior who has spent the better part of my life thus far achieving goal after goal in pursuit of well, I suppose, the next goal.
Although a myriad of bad and badly timed injuries and circumstances rendered many of my dreams nearly impossible, I conjured every ounce of mental and physical power available to me and although I was often gravely discouraged (and or injured), I never gave up.
I am not here to tell you a tale of success and glory (cause lets face it, that’s not how most tales go).
But one of success through perseverance, determination, resilience and some might say, sheer Stupidity!!!
I had a long and successful athletic career that was not without its disappointments. As with everything in life there are ups and downs, but never have I found them to be so heightened as they are in the world of sport.
One minute you may be on an adrenalin induced high positioning yourself as a hot favorite for the upcoming Olympic games and the very next you may find yourself regaining consciousness in a makeshift hospital off the coast of Russia with a possibly broken neck.
Adjusting to these events as fast as possible with the least amount of trauma mentally and physically, is how I survived such a long career in extreme sport, and what has landed me in good stead throughout a volatile endo journey.
When I was diagnosed with endometriosis it was in some ways a relief – finally I had a name for what was going on.
On the other hand, I thought wow… I’d been poked and prodded and scanned and studied by many of Australia’s best medical personnel for nearly 20 years and yet no one had called it out…?
No one discussed pelvic or back injuries, fatigue or low mood, any number of reoccurring injury patterns relating to menstrual cycles and quite frankly neither did I – No one had the information, I was in a male dominated sport, and it wasn’t discussed.
There weren’t many studies interrogating how the female body responds to falling from a height of 20m into a solid ice halfpipe and, there probably never will be!
I lived with boys I trained with boys I was coached by boys most the doctors, physios and support staff were boys, and I can tell you right now we weren’t exchanging notes on how our hormones might be faring today!
Regardless of this, the parallels between my Snowboarding career and my Endometriosis journey are endless.
I have spent days and nights in pain feeling alone and helpless wondering how I’ll keep going or how to tell someone if I can’t… Battling with my mind and body until you think you’ll go mad or figure that you already have…
It is sometimes a full-on assault that can leave you feeling weak, sad, angry, guilty, confused, exhausted and wondering why on earth this is happening and that’s if one can still form coherent thoughts…
All these feelings funnily enough, aren’t very different to breaking both your wrists, fracturing your ribs and shattering your knee 2 weeks out from an Olympics you’ve spent the better part of your life working towards!
To become a professional athlete takes a team and the same can be said of my endo journey.
I had a whole team of people in my corner and a mountain of workers behind the scenes that allowed me to be the best athlete I could, and I’ve discovered in my retirement, that although my goals may be different, the path is very much the same.
Some goals I achieved, many escaped me, but my greatest achievement is what I have learned from persevering through the mud and the pain and embracing and learning from my failures, as much as my victories.
I push and I fall, and I get up and I fall again, and you keep on going till one day you don’t fall and the next day you might trip but you can do it. By doing it I’ve proven to myself that I can, that I’m capable and if sometimes I’m not, someone is, and that’s what communities like this are about.
Asking for help is often the most selfless and kind thing you can do. As helpless as we may feel some days as endo warriors, I’ve no doubt our loved ones feel the same.
We often endure the physical pain, or the psychological baggage alone, and it is our support systems, our loved ones, our Dr’s our families and our friends that get us through and carry their own scars too.
It’s the hugs, the heat packs, chocolate delivered with a smile or simply being a presence to stave away the dark hours. It is accepting help when we need it, and freely giving it when we have capacity.
So although I stand up here with a different story to you all. Although the life I’ve lived may seem a world away or on a different scale. The themes, the lessons, the take aways are all the same in the end.
We are strong, we are resilient ….. we support and we are supported.
This is how we not only survive as individuals, but how we thrive as communities!
Thank you all so much for accepting me into this wonderful community.
Written By Holly Crawford
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